I am far away from home today, yet I feel completely enveloped by the women I am staying with here in Bombhinas, Santa Catarina thanks to my Brazilian friend Astrid. I met her 4 years ago when I was last down here in Garopaba for one month, attending a 4 week Yoga Therapy training program. We hit it off. She was in charge of hospitality for 18 women from all over the world, joined together in a remote retreat center during the coldest May in 40 years. Needless-to-say we kept her hopping. The center was still somewhat under construction. Demands on the power and water supplies were impossible to keep up…the power went out daily. The solar powered hot water ran out almost as often since there was little sun. The clothes hanging out on the lines never dried. My roommate dried her panties with a hair dryer that kept blowing an electrical circuit. It was a very ‘bonding’ experience and would be a good reality show as I think about it – Survivor meets Desperate Yogis at Enchanted Mountain Retreat Center Brazil – as it tested our yogi spirits far from home in less than tropical circumstances. We had the image that we were coming for yoga on the beach in bikinis, getting tan and eating fruit, maybe learning to surf during our free time. Not huddled around a fire, swilling hot milk coffee, as if our lives depended upon it. Astrid was the one who spoke English and Portuguese in the reception office; therefore, she heard our complaints and kept morale up with a perseverance and kindness that was Olympic Gold Medal material.

So now here I am in Astrid’s embrace once again but this time as her personal guest at the family Beach house just North of Florianopolis, along with her sister and daughter. We drove down here Friday evening after dark. First off, thank Goddess her driving skills are extremely impressive. The road is under construction for the better in the long run; however, for now in random places it switches from 2 lanes to 4 lanes randomly every few kilometers with detour lanes veering off with no advance warning. She navigated them flawlessly and behind a large truck at least half the way. It was a total feat of accomplishment, especially in the dark!

Arriving in the dark always adds to the adventure of travel, nothing like waking up in the morning in a new place. AND – this place is exquisite! “Was I still dreaming?” I had to ask myself upon stepping onto the balcony, overlooking beaches in both directions and still in my PJ’s. No where is the landscape quite like this…rolling hills with luscious vegetation on one side and 5 kilometers of pristine beach with tasteful, lovely homes sprinkled in the other direction. What a way to awaken. We then, spent the day walking, talking and feasting as girls do on holiday the world over.

The following day I was putting away the dishes from brunch and became teary with feelings of love and tenderness. Unlike yesterday when it was sunny and very nice out, today is windy and rainy, dark and chilly. We are settled indoors and moving very slowly as is the case for Sundays everywhere. We had a lovely brunch joking about dinner the night before. I love gatherings where we speak of one meal, as we are simultaneously enjoying the one before us. These are my people.

Anyway, after the meal we organically cleared the table and began the ritual of washing dishes, drying and replacing them in the cupboard. This ‘dish ritual’ I can feel in my bones. I remember doing this at my grandmother’s after countless Sunday afternoon meals, my mother’s over the years, and of course my own home. It is familiar and simple, yet sacred and very profound for me in this moment. I belong. I am included, and soak in the tangible love feelings we are sharing as women in the kitchen. On this chilly Sunday afternoon, I am in the warm embrace of Astrid’s clan, weaving the threads of ‘Woman’ that connect us all together as kindred sisters.

P.S. Furthermore, and fortunately for me, Astrid’s daughter speaks incredible English, having lived in Park City for 2 winters, so we chat in English and practice a little Portuguese for me. She has her iPod, another universal language, with fantastic music playing. There is a connection here too. She is the same age as my eldest son…ahhh. I feel very much at home and even a pang of homesickness as she plays Jack Johnson and exclaims she is going to his concert in 2 weeks.

Thank you. Obregatta
Please view the photos!

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This morning I write from Enchanted Mountain Brazil where I am helping to edit a book on Healing Mudras and Meditations for IYT Yoga Therapy. More on that later.

The themes of Pleasure and Creativity are ever present. We have thousands of opportunities to be creative in a day; however, usually we are BUSY and do not take the time to ‘indulge’ our creativity. No one is more creative than you or me or anyone. That was my excuse for years. Some merely take the time to express creativity. They give themselves permission to create, to allow the energy of creativity to emerge without thwarting it. It is present in everyone. We all got a dose at birth.

The creative energy of which I speak is Divine Guidance. Ever present and desirous of form; the spark of creativity wants to manifest. We are the vehicles. Spiritual energy is all about creativity. It is when we listen to the voice of Divine guidance that this life force comes through. Call it meditation, being in the present moment, or whatever you like.

One of the times I feel my creativity loud and clear is when I am traveling and removed from the everyday responsibilities of my life. There is an opening, a space for more creative current to flow. Especially when I am alone with my camera. It is like this other person inhabits my brain and says, ‘here look at this….see that? Wow!” It my be a telephone booth or the light on a flower or food arranged on a plate. These are everyday scenes, but somehow they come more alive when I am traveling. I notice life more. I am more in the present moment. I feel life more vibrant. This is spiritual practice. The meditative flow of life. I make movies. I interview people. Spontaneity abounds, removing me from the shackles of limitation, hesitation and doubt. I come out of my shell, reborn and free from my self image.

It is truly remarkable the ‘pleasure’ this creates as well. When we give ourselves permission to be in awe of little things life is so satisfying and pleasurable. Slowing down is required. Letting go of doing-ness, hurry and performing is a must. It almost feels like a ‘sin’ to enjoy life this much. That is the little saying – big unconscious belief – that comes out of the nether regions of my post Catholic upbringing. Letting go of this thought process has been the result of lots of yoga over the past decade for me personally and some therapy and talking with friends too.

Suffering is not the doorway to liberation. It may be part of life and part of the process of growth, but it is through JOY and LOVE and PLEASURE that we experience the Divine every day in every moment.
Namaste,
Cindy Lawrence, Traveling Yogini Yogeshwari

See my Sau Paulo video ~ let me know how you like it!

See new photos on my FB page too.

Sitting in Dallas International Airport leaving everyone I love and writing about intimacy – ironic; as most things in life and yoga are. Life is always giving us the unexpected. One of the biggest mysteries is intimacy. So let’s have a look.

One definition of intimacy from a native american teacher is ‘In-To-Me-See’ (love this)
The dictionary on my Mac says: intimacy /// ˈintəməsē
close familiarity or friendship; closeness : the intimacy between a husband and wife.
• a private cozy atmosphere : the room had a peaceful sense of intimacy about it.
• an intimate act, esp. sexual intercourse.
• an intimate remark : here she was sitting swapping intimacies with a stranger.
[in sing. ] closeness of observation or knowledge of a subject : he acquired an intimacy with Swahili literature.

Hmmmm. Not great definitions really….
Like my teacher’s creative twist much more. Here are some of my meanderings on the subject from somewhere over the gulf of Mexico. Ironically listening to a song titled “ I Just Haven’t Met You Yet.’ Oh the longing. It starts within dude.
This word INTIMACY is so potent. So necessary for a healthy happy life. So avoided by some. We need intimacy primarily with our selves. To be very familiar with who we are, to know and be cozy with who lives in our skin. This is the primary relationship one must cultivate to experience intimacy. Not in a selfish, narcissistic way but simply put: before we can commune with other successfully we must first know our selves. Otherwise we project way too much unconscious stuff on the ‘other.’ Know thyself. That is the start to cultivating intimacy. But most of us build a relationship with who we think we should be or deny who we really are; and unconsciously attract a partner who mirrors the parts of us we deny. Recipe for disaster brewing here?
For true intimacy to blossom we grow together. AND it starts with loving your self….what a cliche and it is TRUE. Be kind to you. Know you. Look at yourself with awe and adoration. Sit and be. Then add another. It is a DANCE this getting close business. 2 steps forward one step back. 4 forward 2 back.
Relationships trigger us to look at all the aspects of our self as we relate to another in all sorts of situations. It is pretty complicated even if you understand yourself well my friends. As you respond to life and the wants and needs of self while in communion with other there is a divine opportunity to explore and grow. However, so much of the time we flee, we judge, blame, compare. We get activated (hurt, misunderstood, side tracked ) and blame the other instead of looking at the situations as food for growth and revelation of what we need to see in ourselves. So much easier to take the other partner’s inventory… find fault… be superior or inferior instead of simply being together. Go ahead – run away. Have an affair. Act out. Compare. All these defense mechanisms flare up as we get close and the vulnerable places inside of us get exposed. Anyone still with me here? Immature. Crazy. But we do some silly things when our hearts start to open and feel vulnerable. We Protect and usually it is not so pretty. How do we evolve from these sabotage behaviors and give ourselves the intimacy we truly desire?
We need safety, acceptance, compassion, space, and maybe even a little confrontation to look at ourselves closely and really let our deepest self connect to another’s deepest parts. We have the longing to merge, to connect, to co-exist and at the same time we fear exposure. Our inadequacies and fears rear their little heads in the form of starting a fight or saying just what you know will get a rise out of your loved one; almost testing them to stay. ”Do you really love and accept all the parts of me?” Here have that! Kids do this and we love them anyway…we cannot break up with our kiddos. No way out. We stay. We learn to step back and not take it personally. They are developing, bonding, separating, learning. Well we grown ups are too.
Take the risk…go slowly…be spacious…love and closeness blossom over time with lots of fertilizer and some of it stinks. Make mistakes. Try again. Observe. Get close. Eventually a beautiful garden of love bears fruit.
Practicing yoga and meditation supports developing intimacy. We learn to sit still. Not to react to thoughts. To watch them go by. Let go. Notice when we get activated or intrigued and let it go. No big deal. STAY with your heart. The thoughts and emotions come and go like pangs of hunger. Which ones do you feed? Nurture love and connection with your heart, your true self and you will find your relationships with others blossom as well. Love begets more love. In to me see…..
Having a spiritual practice and a teacher is a great resource. Let’s do this together. It is a lot more fun.
Namaste,
Yogeshwari Cindy

4/14/2011
Feeling Discouraged
How to be with this state of mind? How to move through it. How we often ignore this feeling or blame others…instead of letting it IN-form us. What is the wisdom here?
Tuesday I was feeling very discouraged. Let’s explore this emotion. I usually end up like this when I am tired and overextended or when I feel I am giving and the universe is not responding. Small classes. Few massage clients. A surprise bill or 2 or 3. Hard to hear feedback from a good friend. Impending homelessness…. “I need a real job. Why am I ‘doing’ this??? Why…..” These are some frequent manifesting thoughts that arise from this place I will call DISCOURAGEMENT. We all go there at times and we don’t admit it very often.
It feels tired. It feels heavy, sad, slow, kinda like going back to bed….familiar?This is a place I really do not like to hang out in and I don’t suggest doing that. I know I like to run like hell when this feeling comes up or blame, hide or avoid.
How can we just be with this quality and let it inform us? Maybe there is a teaching here about slowing down, re-assessing something, taking inventory. This is a cue that maybe we are off balance a bit and need to re-direct our precious energy. LISTEN…slow down, feel the feelings and hear the wisdom that lives inside the tough emotions.
As a yoga teacher/healer/mother, I have the very high expectation that I should be a vision of BLISS and exude happiness and positive vibrations in every moment. Never get pissy. Always see the bright side. Smile for no reason. AND inspire you all to do the same. UPLIFT humanity. My students must have the best yoga experience ever in each one of my classes. Every massage client must leave feeling completely healed and in awe of the wonders of my healing touch and intuitive prowess. I hold the bar very high for myself as I am sure you do too? It is simply impossible of course to live up to this illusion, but I certainly TRY.
So this is where my discouragement comes from…perfectionistic expectation. Why do I expect myself to be this ‘IDEAL’ version of who I ‘THINK’ I am suppose to be. We all have an image of our ideal self and this is fine and good; and we need to cut ourselves some slack and accept our human-ness. We do the best we can. I do believe that.
The next time you feel dis-couraged try to greet it. Meet it. Be open. Listen. Hear the message. Are you trying too hard? Is it time to shift something? Do you need a nap? A yoga class, or a friendly hug? Listen…. your courage will come back.

Namaste,
Cindy, Yoga That Heals

This is a potent mantra for enlightenment. You are asking for divine illumination and using hand gestures or MUDRAS, which add potency.

I am really excited to write my first blog. I am writing it on an airplane on my way to Loreto Mexico to teach yoga for a sea kayaking adventure company for spring break. How cool is that? I have been teaching yoga and doing bodywork for almost 25 years so maybe I have a few things to share. With my new website launch comes FB, Blogging, Podcasts, Videos, Social Media blah blah blah ….. My resistance must go. I can be High Tech and High Touch simultaneously. I can share what I hope to be of value with more people and that is good.

Human beings are extremely fascinating to me. I am compelled to understand what makes them/us tick, and have been since I was a young girl. Why do people do the things they do and say the things they say? WHY???  Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Are you doing what you came here to do? How do you know? How did I end up living in Boulder Colorado coming from a Conservative, Catholic, Farming Family in Kentucky? Why didn’t I marry BJ Booth when I was 19 and have 5 kids in my early 20’s? Well who knows? It is curious. Being curious is good.

I love Yoga because it explains so much of who we are and helps me understand how we are wired, how our bodies work, how to breathe, our beliefs,  and how we came to be the way we are. It really is a complete system for understanding your self and others. And the saying is true:  People do and say the ‘Darndest Things.’ We even do and say things we SWEAR we will never, ever do or say. ever. never. again. WHY? We can have a look at that question in these here blog posts, oui? I am southern and I do speak French.

I love teaching Yoga too. It is fun. It is challenging. It is never boring. There is a ton of stuff to learn and try. It is a practice so you are never done….kinda like raising children and having parents. A woman’s body surrounds me;  she is a round, intuitive creature that senses and feels her way through life; is captivated by orchids and the smells of Jasmine and Clove and Roses. Wanders from place to place in her home and in the world trusting her inner guidance. She loves to dig in the earth and watch things grow.

The way I teach yoga is round and rhythmic and kind of like the waves in the ocean. It is not linear or necessarily logical, even though I have studied for decades and always have a plan. Each week I will pick a topic and ramble on about it for awhile. Please comment and give me your feedback and insights. We have much to learn from one another.

Some topics I will discuss in coming weeks:  Light, Bosoms, Kosha Model, Depression, Aging Parents, Resistance, Discernment, Sisterhood, Community, Authenticity, The Importance of having Teachers, My first yoga class, Being a Grown Up, Respect, Neutral, Favorite Spiritual Books, Your Requests

How do you know when to capitalize?  (I seem to want to do it a lot!)

Ok that was my first blog post.  WELCOME and do come back.

Namaste, Yogeshwari Cindy