Today’s Blog is on BEAUTY. I have been thinking on this topic for several weeks actually, and well it is one my my favs….

What is beauty? Why is it so important? Or I should say:  Beauty is very important to me. Not the superficial kind either. Not VANITY, which is ego oriented. But beauty, REAL beauty. Inner, outer and all around me. It makes me feel….beautiful, special, lovable and generous. It makes me happy. It inspires me to be better. To do the most with what I have. To share. To receive. To harness my gifts and notice the beauty in every little thing. Beauty takes time. It is an act of devotion in a way. To ‘make’ something beautiful, you TEND to it, CARE for it. Encourage, coax, stroke the heart of the thing you love to BLOSSOM. Like tending to a plant or pet or child. There is effort and attention going into the process.

There is RITUAL in Beauty. Like puja, or a morning practice of honoring deities or receiving the new day with sun salutations. You light a candle and an incense. You put a flower in a vase. You murmur prayers and invocations to the energies you want to blossom and give thanks to. Call in the directions and elements. Wear a special shawl. Have a photo of a sacred place and beloved teacher or friend. Thus, ritual is very important to beauty. I love ritual. Maybe from growing up Catholic….maybe I am just wired this way? I know I get huge JOY from these repetitive actions performed with integrity, reverence and humility. This is true for many of you and across all cultures. Yes? It is a great cure for the blues too.

Now let us speak of inner beauty and outer beauty, practically. Inner Beauty – Like Radiance. Inner GLOW. You know it. Some people gush natural beauty. Twinkle. Sparkle. Light up the room. Harmony with the universe kinda of beauty. No make up, jewels, branded logos or props. Some of us have that…some of us…on good days, and yoga certainly helps to cultivate inner and outer radiance! Others could tease beauty from a gargoyle, regardless of any kind of inner bliss or light. Take for example my Indian friend Ayssha. She grew up in a culture that values beauty on every level. Inner and Outer….cool. Outer beauty, no matter your body type or social status must be cultivated and played up to. You simply do not go out the door without getting beautiful. REALLY. Every day! Gold, silk, color splashes, eye liner, liquid lips dripping with shine…..bling, bangles, hair oil. Shimmer…get the drift? Well she lives with me now and then and has inspired me, ‘Miss Yoga Boulder,’ natural childbirth babe, to bling it up a bit. OMG. Foundation, mascara, jewelry, matching shoes, heels even, hair scrunching efforts with product! a little face time in front of the mirror. (which is almost sacrilegious in sporty, natural, bling averse Boulder)

I have to confess….it is a great thing for me, this taking time to primp a little, to be ‘beautiful’ with the help of a few select enhancers. Especially at midlife, when we start to let go a little too much, maybe, on the appearance front. (Not a BAD thing in general.) However;  sometimes we get a little too sloppy, and Boulder is so casual…and poorly dressed in general. Except for Aimee Heckle. All the ‘inner work’ and ‘processing’ we do and ‘sweating/detoxing’ are not conducive to primping, fussing, and picking out matching ensembles. I must say “thank you Ayssha” for reminding me to look at myself in the mirror, that it is ok. Necessary. Really. Beauty is OK! and FEELS Wonderful! That is the real purpose of dolling yourself up. It feels good. Like caring for the flowers in the garden….taking time for yourself:  your skin, teeth, hair, nails, and wardrobe all require attention, ritual, occasional trimmings and proper moisture. Ahhh…it feels so good.

And we know, Beauty also comes from eating well, exercising, hydration, meditation, and living a SIMPLE life. Too much stress, stinginess and negativity steal beauty quicker than anything. REST, RELAX and TAKE in Fresh Air every day. Chat with your friends and open up to receive love. LOVE enhances Beauty more than any other quality or ingredient of course. Generosity and service also boost that glow of inner beauty and happiness.

Feedback and compliments are so very important in our sometimes ugly and often impersonal, modern world. Rarely do we actually take the time to SEE each other’s beauty and value; to acknowledge a special quality or gift in our family members and friends. More than any material gift, your positive feedback and encouragement nourishes and feeds yourself and your loved ones!  Try it. We thrive on kind glances, soft eye contact and nods of approval, even as babies. Teens really need this and so do we as adults! This is my request today and this week:  take a moment to notice and foster the Beauty in yourself and one another – all around you, each and every day. Listen to the song…’You are so Beautiful’…as much as you can.

Namaste,

Yogeshwari Cindy

Greetings Dear Yogis,

I have spent the past week delving into and coping with the betrayal of a long time friend. I have been out of sorts to say the least!

SO much emotions…

I am sure in part, why I have been sick is from trying to understand and be with the huge range of feelings this has erupted within me. Anger and hurt are tough ones for me to process… I can only deny them for awhile: trying to be understanding patient and strong. The truth is that I am hurt and sad and shocked by my friend’s behavior in a way that I have not been impacted since my divorce 13 years ago. And by a sister….it is a different kind of pain. Very intense on a soul level…this grief.

Thank you, thank you to some awesome friends and family for supporting me through this loss. Gratitude to my lungs for saying FEEL this! this sucks!

Be angry…it is ok to have a strong response to insanely inappropriate behavior. ah ho!

It feels kind of un-yogic to have all these negative emotions, like if only I meditated more, it would not kill me inside that one of my very best friends stiffed me a large amount of money and then ‘deleted’ me from her new life. She tried to be polite and discrete in her removal of me. She was well coached and rehearsed when she gave me the news. Polished. Objective. Neutral. Said I was like her other creditors…. like Chase bank or Wells Fargo. REALLY? OMG….”Please understand I am in a personal ‘process’ and starting my new life chapter now, with MY money and with-OUT you!”

SHOCK waves….

I stood by this woman for over a decade, through thick and thin, and a lot happens in that amount of time in a relationship of any sort. We promised we would be life long friends, work out any issues as they arose….until it came time for her to re-pay my loan. It never occored to me, in my wildest dreams she would not come through on her promise, once she had the monies in hand to pay me back. NEVER….My accountant warned me, my book keeper warned me, my dad warned me, just to name a few….but I BELIEVED her, she was my friend, for life, she would absolutely make good on her promise to me.

I realize now after much internal exploration and questioning that is the thrux of my anguish. I believed her. I trusted her. It is not even about the MONEY. It is about my FAITH in her in our long standing friendship that has been shaken. My trust in her is broken. My heart is broken. She broke up with me and is not looking back. I am the old. She wants new. I remind her of the past, the struggle.

I am left in my ‘personal process’ now and healing a bit more every day. Time to let go and move on. And like everyone said – DO NOT mix money and friendship. I will however, NEVER stop BELIEVING in my friends.

thanks for listening.

namaste,

Yoga that Heals community,

It really feels so good to write about me and where I am in my journey…as a grown woman who is changing roles in life, yet again.

I am a mother in transition and am ready to embrace all that 2012 has to offer.  I am so excited to participate in the “Cup of Sweetness” women circle this year.  I look forward to connecting and growing with this dynamic group of women.  Let’s share all that we are, wish to be and will become in 2012!

I have been home holding down “the fort” for my family for the past 8 years and plan to continue…. But, my role is changing on a daily basis.  Kids are more independent, family time is interrupted, time with friends valuable, house chores less important.  As I watch my kids grow and navigate through the ups and downs of growing up, I think of my journey.  One of the sacrifices of motherhood that I could never have imagined has been losing myself.  I no longer know what’s important FOR ME as a person; I am conditioned to think of everyone else and their happiness.  Who I was, and who I am today are very different;  and I am ready to explore the new me.

In my college days, I was a dual-major at the University of Northern Arizona (Music & Business).  The competition was so fierce in the opera department that I completed my junior recital and got a minor in music.  I knew I would never be a music teacher and so I studied how to manage a theater, and received a degree in Arts Management.  My performance and theater days’ seem very far way, however the artistic and creative side of me is aching for an outlet.  Working in the arts industry does not coincide with raising a family (different hours), but hopefully a “Cup of Sweetness” will fill my cup full of ideas and desires.  I can’t wait to explore what lies ahead and embrace this next stage in my life and whom I am becoming.

One sister to another, Carol

Cup of Sweetness Retreat Invite video

Carol reaches for the moon

Depression has been an issue for me most of my life. I was officially diagnosed around 2003 and I went on antidepressant medication for about three years. I also did the recommended psychotherapy. I am uncomfortable putting chemicals into my body (other than food). Eventually I felt that the disagreeable side effects of the drugs outweighed the therapeutic benefits, so I discontinued them. During the whole process of exploring my depression I learned many things that have helped me live well without medication. Mindfulness practice has been a powerful ally in my struggle.

Sometimes there are life circumstances that warrant feelings of sadness. For the last decade my parents have been deteriorating. My mother has Alzheimer’s and my father has Parkinson’s disease. I first noticed my mother’s memory slipping, in1995 and it’s been a very gradual deterioration. My father started having tremors in 1998, but wasn’t diagnosed until about 2004. Now his condition is complicated by Parkinson’s dementia. This has been a protracted difficult journey for me. I’ve been losing my parents in bits and pieces for years. My mother isn’t suffering as much as my father. He is more cognizant of his own deterioration. He deplores and resists the loss of control caused by his disease.

My parents moved to Colorado in 2008 so they could be closer to me for help. The move and my subsequent witnessing of their suffering have only heightened my emotional angst. I have spent many nights contemplating old age, sickness, and death; my parents, my own, and in general as an ultimate condition of life. The predisposition for depression, added to difficult life circumstances, has had an overwhelming effect on me. I related to Welwood’s discussion of “moments of world collapse” (Welwood, 1983, p. 148) and the “underlying sense of utter vulnerability . . . of not having anything ultimately to identify with” (Welwood, 1983, p. 155). Thankfully, my meditation practice is well established, so being in the groundless ground is not completely unfamiliar. “Meditation provides a way of learning how to let go” (Welwood, 1983, p. 153). Nevertheless, my present circumstances continue to be challenging and provide opportunities for deeper practice.

For many years before the depression was labeled, I dealt with it on my own. I think that’s one of the things that drew me to rely on, and continue with, mindfulness practice. Sometimes I felt so bad that the only relief I could get was through letting go of my thoughts during zazen. I learned that, if I could do nothing else, I could just sit and follow my breath and let go of my thoughts over and over. And as I let go of my thoughts and watched my breath, I had a sensation of settling down into my belly. Dropping down into it, I would reach a place at the bottom where I felt peace and freedom. Eventually, as I experienced that release from suffering, I came to know that I could rely on that center core for relief.

Once I had a name for my state of sadness, I started paying attention to information and different points of view about depression. Reading Eckhart Tolle (2005) helped me realize how I can challenge my own thoughts about depression. Even the language I use can help. Instead of “I am depressed,” I can say “I feel depression,” which puts some space between me and the depression. My true essence is not depressed; depression is simply a feeling I have.

Feeling bad about depression is another negative emotion on top of the feeling of depression. To hold the idea “depression is bad” pushes against the idea “I have depression” and becomes an energy drain. This cycle compounds the pessimistic feelings and this creates a negative energy spiral. Instead we can change our minds. As Davidson states regarding the Dalai Lama’s book The Art of Happiness, “[The Brain] can be trained because the very structure of our brain can be modified” (Goleman, 2004, p. 25).

In Circle of Stones (1989), Duerk presents the concept of honoring depression. She discusses that depression serves a purpose in our emotional cycles, akin to winter in our earthly cycle. It’s a time for rest and to nurture and turn within, “to sink into one’s own stillness . . . to trust, once again, in the cycles of light and darkness in nature herself and within one’s own nature” (Duerk, 1989, p. 101).

I began to understand how to “make friends” with depression. I find that when I sit with my feelings, any feelings, and allow them to be, neither pushing them away nor holding on to them, it’s much easier. Through learning to honor my emotions, I can hold them with compassion and accept them as part of my path.

I imagine that my experience with allowing my emotions and having an attitude of compassion with them will be a benefit to being an effective therapist. Working this way helps me be more grounded and clear about my own issues and, therefore, more present and less reactive in the therapeutic relationship. Being centered creates a safe space to let the clients allow their own emotions to arise. Verbally or through limbic resonance a client may be guided to allow, and even befriend, their own emotions. Welwood says it nicely, “And if we start to develop that gentleness with ourselves, we can also be gentle with others in that same kind of way, which helps them relate to their own vulnerability” (Welwood, 1983, p.159).

submitted by  our very own Yogini ~ Catherine Abel

thanks for sharing…..xxoo

References

Duerk, J. (1989). Circle of stones: Woman’s journey to herself. Philadelphia, PA: Innisfree Press.

Goleman, D. (2004). Destructive emotions. New York NY: Bantam.

Tolle, E. (2005). A new earth. New York, NY: Dutton.

Winter Greetings,

I am sitting by the warmth of a fire at the Brewing Market sipping chai and listening to Christmas music play softly in the background.   The fire is a bit too warm and the chai a bit too heavy on the clove, but, I am not letting that dampen my mood.  I am happy.

Been watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas” with my 3 year old son, Aidan, the past few days.  That came out in 1965 (I was just 3 years old myself back then!) yet it has a timeless quality to it.  I must have viewed it at least 50 times over the years but I never seem to tire of it.  Snoopy makes me smile every time.  Loved Christmas as a child.  And I realize now it was because of my parents.  My mom, who dedicated herself tirelessly to the detailed intricacies of a Christmas tradition year after year.   And my Dad, who provided.  And not just monetarily, but more on that later.  We had a huge lit up manger in our front yard (with ceramic figures that my mother herself painted exquisitely), a fake but gorgeous Christmas tree with ornaments that would most likely cost a small fortune today…delicate round and teardrop shaped ornaments, thin as eggshells,  frosted and sparkling.  Very easy for the dog’s tail to knock over and break them.  There was plenty of sugar in many forms all over the house, including the colorful foil wrapped chocolate bells that adorned the Christmas tree.  And there were relatives.  Lots and lots of Italian relatives of all ages shapes and sizes.  And yes, the gifts.  And Christmas carols, often sung by Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra.   And the sounds of adults playing poker late into the night while we kids tried to accomplish the impossible task of falling asleep… And oh the food…antipasta with cheese so sharp your tongue sang Hallelujia… breaded filet of sole and shrimp scampi on Christmas eve…  meatballs, stuffed shells, and eggplant parmigiana Christmas day…more antipasta… And nowhere did ‘paying the bills’ enter my consciousness.  I was blessed, as my Dad made more than a decent living as a hard working auto mechanic.  He started his own business in Brooklyn and moved it to an affluent area of Great Neck, Long Island, where it flourished.  My Dad is now 83 years old, and still a hard worker. Works full time at Walmart in New Port Richey, Florida.    It’s good for him.  Gets him out of the house, and it really helped him survive the loss of my mother and his wife of 52 years when she passed away 8 years ago.  Emphysema.  I miss my Mom.
But she is on to other pastures and realms (‘all goes onwards and outwards’, as Walt Whitman wrote, ‘nothing collapses…and to die is different than what anyone ever imagined, and luckier’).  It’s my Dad who is on my mind a lot these days.

My father is what you would call a gentle soul (old age grumpiness notwithstanding).  He used to go hunting with my brother and my uncle during family getaways in upstate New York.  He shot a deer once.  Once.  He cried and said he could never do it again.  He still hunted but never shot anything, just enjoyed the quiet companionship of loved ones and nature.  The older I get, the more I look to my elders for their wisdom.  He tells me he regrets many things.  There was one BIG MISTAKE that he will never forgive himself for, though my parents stuck it out.  I think about that a lot now that I am myself separated.  He regrets not spending more time on family vacations.  Yet I remember many trips upstate and to Florida as a young child and teenager.  He never laid a hand on me or my brother or sister.  Except in the most loving way.  He had a way of standing behind you when you were sitting at the table, and just ever so softly touching/tickling the skin on your earlobe or neck or arm.  For minutes at a time.  I would say, do more Daddy.  It was so very sweet.  So safe and loving and gentle.   I find myself doing that with Aidan.  I find ways to massage him lovingly, and touch him softly, sometimes playfully.  T O U C H…. It is so very essential for life.   Babies and other mammals die without it.  And thrive with excellent and proper and abundant and safe touch.  Human beings never quite recover from unsafe touch.  And it is so rampant.  I never realized.  But the percentages are very high.  How, in this world which is a manifestation of Divine Love, can touch have gone so far astray?
I love what I do.  I am so very grateful for my livelihood.  The world is starving in many many ways.  And touch is truly a way to feed people.  This I believe with all my heart.   Ashley Montague wrote: “Where touch begins, love and compassion begin also”.

Another way to touch people is through music.  I have been writing songs for many years and my latest offering is a fusion of kirtan (devotional chanting), original songs and storytelling.  I would love to sing and share with you some songs and musings about the spiritual journey, and we w  I hope you will join me with some very special musical guests on Friday evening December 23rd at the home of my dear friend and yoga teacher Cindy Lawrence.  The address is 992 Sycamore Boulder.  RSVP :cindy@yogathatheals.com visit her website: www.yogathatheals.com

Wishing you light as we move towards the darkest days of the year and the winter solstice.

Since the response to my last post was so overwhelming and apparently much appreciated, I will continue with the theme of transition and transformation. Being in the birth canal is frickin’ scary. There is really no other way to say it. It is DARK. It is Mysterious. You have no idea what is happening. It is like a natural disaster of epic proportions only it is personal and it is happening inside you. You were cozy and comfy in your patterns before… life was familiar, reliable and your patterns were yours! ‘MINE’ is the ego’s favorite word. So even if our patterns are not so healthy, we are indeed creatures of habit. We like what we know.  Being in a ‘change place’ internally or externally is not so comfortable…not at all. Our emotional and mental patterns are our friends, even if they are dysfunctional now, at some point we developed them to survive a perceived threat and they served us, however well.

CHANGE produces fear, which can create a stress response, resistance and contraction unless we are diligent about spiritual work and even then it is unpleasant, at best – it is just not pleasant. This, combined with health challenges and/or hormonal fluctuations is really stinking hard some days. This is why we NEED one another. R U listening? Did you hear me? WE do NEED EACH OTHER. Like flowers need sun and water and fertile soil. Humans need each other to thrive and blossom.

We need one another. And actually I did not do justice to my teachers and mentors in my last post. They have been incredibly supportive and helpful when I reach out (which can be difficult, if not seemingly impossible.) I have been on this journey my entire life really, and blessed to have great guides all the way now that I think about it. We are all evolving. We are all learning and growing, so let’s do it together. It is a lot more fun. and YES, it is appealing to crawl in a hole somedays and isolate;  go ahead, have a pity party… it’s ok, or not. Just remember, I am here. WE are here. There is a compassionate, strong, gifted and divinely awesome community of kindred spirits gathering here: the TRIBE. You know who you are. we are here together now. we are coming HOME together.

Things are just happening now. Like this…

Monday my housemate played her bowls while I taught yoga and it was this spontaneous, amazing FUSION of sound and healing and breathing and yoga poses that arose naturally and fed us all. Then my friend Ayssha from India, who is staying here too, began to prepare food to share for us.  While I met with 2 other students after class to talk workshop planning, we were served an exquisite brunch of wonderful Indain food. This led to adding a weekly YOGA FUSION class with her Renee on Mondays at 9:30am and  a cooking class with Ayssha on December 13 here. See the Goddess Events page. WOW!

We all shared our gifts with each other. True COMMUNION, co-union. There is something marvelously organic happening here.  As we gals gather and express our truth in community, and expose our vulnerabilities together in safety, we blossom. WE ARE BLOSSOMING! The debilitating habit patterns release their grip. We acknowledge the desire to ‘contribute’ to the world as we face our own personal obstacles, together. How do we not to get sucked into the negative mind chatter that keeps us small? COMMUNITY….

We are creating a Women in Transition Expressive Arts Empowerment Series called ‘A Cup of Sweetness,‘ to begin mid January, so stay tuned. It just became obvious one morning after yoga to offer this workshop for women, like us, to go deeper into our personal work. There is such talent in each of us, and bloody hell, it gets stuck in the birth canal some times. We need help. The invitation is to come out! and SHARE your talents…come out. share. even if you are messy, and unsure and have rough edges. Show up anyway and begin polishing the rough edges. Let the tears flow. Start where you are. It is enough. You are enough just as you are. you are enough. you are amazing…..begin as you are. begin now!

as an example of this theme here: I woke up at 5am today drenched and shivering in the darkness. The heat had not kicked on yet. I was soaked and freezing in my damp bed. ok great…I was going to be able to SLEEP IN today, and then get all this work done, but no, my body had its own agenda. Rise and shine you soggy bitch! Great way to start my day. Wet, cold, confused and in the dark. But, here I am writing away. I am also going to eat better this week. Thansgiving week was a total food orgy and it is time to go for double veggies and fruits and cut our carbs and fats this week, including wine I dare say. Adding Herbal teas and lots of H2O too. and more movement…sweat? oh yes.

love you all, thanks for your feedback!

Cynthia Yogeshwari ~ yoga goddess extraordinaire and your soggy blogger sea-star

Transition Time: Greetings after a few months of non-blogging and being a bit under motivated to write, I am back in the seat and typing away. It seems I have been through yet another death and rebirth experience. Anyone with me here?  How many times can this happen? Letting go? Surrendering? Asking for guidance? Staying the course, veering, coming back….straying, staying AGAIN.

Spiritual work really is potent and not for the faint of heart. That coupled with Peri-menopause is down right dangerous. I had NO clue how HUGE this life transition would be. Puberty: kind of tricky, awkward – like what is happening to me? but exciting sensations. Pregnancy:  not such a big deal for me anyway ….loved it actually. I am a BABY person to the core. Some post-partum the second time. But this mid life stuff: way more than I planned for! WAY MORE…. I cannot over emphasize this. I have had blood work, body work, energy work, balanced upside down, zero balancing, shiatsu, wine, vodka, cleanses for my liver. Holidays. Retreats. Journaling. Chanting. Journey Dancing! My breasts are different sizes. My temp is hot (mostly) or cold, not neutral. My hair comes out in wads in the shower. I NEED bathes like I will DIE if I don’t submerge myself in water and wash off the day. I have hidden under the covers, cried, numbed out, with- drawn, reached out – in – around over and over, stared into space, un – able to focus, to think straight and then FINE again. Roller coaster – of love? Anxious at times, certain homelessness was imminent – only to discover progesterone, estrogen and testosterone and DHEA, taurine and healthy oils like cod liver, YES. Anyway, it is an adventure to say the least. I have read blog after blog and article after article on Women’s Health, food for brain power, hormone balancing yoga poses;  gone off caffeine, off alcohol, off sex, in relationship, not in relationship, ping pong and watched Daytime T.V. and read 1000 page sagas on 100 degree days in an un air-conditioned house. Did you hear me say daytime T.V.?  like  ’The View’ and love it.  All to manage, master, cope with this chapter of my human-woman development. (and it is a long chapter)

I was even in denial for months at a time. I CANNOT BE OLD ENOUGH TO BE menopausal. No way. Old women experience that. I am not old. not. not. not. How to be with ME in this time in my life? My kids are grown. Empty nest is such a DUMB term. It does not begin to describe how this feels. The QUIET, which you crave, (you even pay for) when your kids are young, becomes maddening. Things are exactly as you left them. The milk carton stays in the frig. with the lid on even. The grocery shopping is so simple and yet confusing. Such small portions just for me? How do I feed ONE person after years of creating a hearty variety of boy meals for at leasst 2 or 3 others? I can eat popcorn for dinner…and well I do at times, with some cheese. No more pee all over the toilet. or dog hair. or wrappers under the bed. Crumbs on the couch. Everything is exactly as I left it. It is just flippin’ strange this transition.

Who am I now? I am a Mother in LAW. My friends are becoming GRANDMOTHERS and in book clubs. Some are actually ‘retiring.’ Our mothers are going to Assisted Living Centers and requiring assistance of all tyoes. They are troopers and we are taking care of them too now.

I discussed this at length at the beginning of Yoga with some female students last week. One was 40, kids just off to elementary school (she was a stay home mama like me) and feeling ‘lost,’ and one who is very retired and also feeling ‘lost.’ We spanned 3 decades between us and were experiencing the SAME emotions, fears, excitement, longings, and yearnings to evolve as well as concerns and confusion, even though we were such different ages.

AGIAN I say:  we are so much more alike than we realize. We are not alone, we women in transition. Then my student with thee most secure corporate job of 25 years comes in and says that her company is PHASING OUT HER JOB. What the ****? She is the primary bread winner. ‘Lost’ hardly describes how she was feeling. Shell shocked. Stunned. Non existent.

We had all been asking ourselves:  What is going on inside me? How am I to survive this? Who am I? Is something WRONG WITH ME? Surely there must be. I tried so hard to get it all right. Be a good mom, worker, wife….. NOW WHAT???? How do I spend my time? There is a CHOICE point that simply did not exist before. FREE time… it is a little frightening and freeing together. What will I DO? (No wonder I sat in front of the living room window for a while doing nothing after YEARS of running around like a mad woman with every minute scheduled and someone needing me for something.) Doing WHat? WHy? FOr whom?  I have now rearranged my entire house, my work, my finances, my hair color, and started wearing nail polish again. I have a new wardrobe…not from retail therapy, altho I tried that in the past too. I have a new job, more on that later.  The only constants in this storm have been my family, my friends and my students. I am soooooooooo glad to have community, CO-IMMUNITY and I just cannot say enough about my support network and all the people who have hung in with me, even tho I was kinda scary at times.

Kind of scared of the unknown and now I am relishing in it. Plus I got a new job, a housemate and who knows, maybe it is time for a kitty. Asking the questions with one another, together at my kitchen table as WOMEN IN TRANSITION was not scary. It was liberating and enlivening and empowering. It was yoga. Connecting the Self with the self as we learn and grow together. Kindred spirits…ah ho.

namaste,

cynthia lawrence, ( my grown up name)

I just had the time of my life reading, experiencing and editing the meditations in a new Integrative Yoga Therapy book, Mudras and Meditations for Transformational Healing. What a true labor of love, for all involved, which is in the final stages of creation. This manual is a wealth of useful information and yoga teachings, brilliantly assimilated and concisely matched with specific hand gestures, called mudras and accompanying meditations for transformation, healing and liberation. The work at happened at Enchanted Mountain Yoga Retreat. I Am recently back and I will try to describe what an amazing experience this has been and the share the gifts of giving.
The authors, Joseph and Lilian Le Page have a yoga retreat center in Southern Brazil, surrounded by endless rain forrest, waterfalls and beaches. She is Brazilian and he is American, and as fate would have it, this wild land with it’s magical beauty captivated them 10 years ago, which is when the Enchanted Mountain story began. Note: I respect my teachers’ privacy and want to be discrete in sharing this experience; living in their home and joining the crew here at the center. It is a simple place, not a resort. It is a healing sanctuary not an ashram. It is one the natural environment, reminding me that we are too. It exudes a welcoming sweetness that is luxurious, even tho the accommodations are modest.
Daily Routine – We have a work life flow here that is very in synch with the rhythms of nature and the lifestyle here and of yoga in general. It is a delicate balance. It requires bravely trusting the Natural flow with a dose of discipline and deliberation. Ending up in the hammocks for hours would be natural with out at a small dose of disciple! The daily flow appears to follow the 8 limbs of yoga, altho we never formally spoke to this. There is a routine – morning practice, warm beverage, light meal, work several hours, warm beverage, snack, work a bit more, healthy lunch, short hammock nap to digest, outside time either hiking, walking or surfing, work some more, warm beverage, yoga practice, light dinner, movie time, early bedtime.
Staff – Let’s begin with a few qualities or themes that ring through. Bilingual, Dedicated, Togetherness, Conscientious, Trust, Respect, Value, Inclusivity, Acceptance, Humorous, Steady, Patient, Persistent, Open, Curious, Eager. There are only 3 regular employees running this entire operation, from what I witnessed, and several others on contract as the needs of the center dictate. There is always something that needs attention. Making ends meet in the yoga/travel industry the past few years has been a little tricky to say the least. ‘Make due with less’ is all too familiar everywhere. The staff attitude remains positive and spirits are strong. It is tangible the bond they have for the place and one another to pull together and keep things running smoothly on fewer resources. I certainly relate and can appreciate what it takes to stay the course. The past 3 days I helped to edit and update the English website for the center. This was a monumental task. It took 3 of us and 3 computers and the bilingual staff person 12 hours, 3 meetings, and 2 lunches to accomplish this, and the site template was already up. We were just updating a few things, we thought as we began! We did it together and that is the spirit here. It is an honor to be part of a team with a vision; and to collaborate with the retreat staff, the book project, this Yoga Therapy work and this place.
Basic conditions – We are in South America. At this moment, I am having an unbelievably hard time just getting in a comfortable place to write this piece. I sat at a desk most of the day in an office, complete with kitchen, shared by 3 other staffers and my back is killing me. The chairs are hard. Really. Hard. Wood. Or sometimes cheap office chairs that sort of adjust, but not really. The work light is either full on blinding sun shine, florescent or those energy conserving grey hued bulbs, the kind that make me almost suicidal at home. It is early winter here and it is chilly enough to warrant long sleeves, hats and jackets in the house as well as outdoors. We typically work huddled together in the mornings with a space heater no more than one foot away. Few homes here have central heat, which is true in many countries actually, so they just bundle up like it is no big deal. Most days, by noon it is pleasant, and warm beverages and warm dispositions help tremendously. I am sure leg warmers, stocking caps and gloves were invented here!
Extraordinary Teachers – Their understanding of the whole of yoga including the Sutras and the deeper teachings of yoga and how they apply to modern life and personal transformation is awe inspiring. They are very modest about this and it is rare to meet western teachers who have studied the scriptures and texts of yoga so extensively. They read a lot and they write a lot. The writing is almost poetic. Their knowledge combined with the application of the teachings is what is really attractive and humbling for me. I learn so much every day by just being with them. It may have something to do with the book or it may be from a simple outing to the market for dog biscuits. Down dog is not the only opportunity for yogic revelations….
Gifts – The lessons I have learned are many, many, many; however, I will sum it all up by revealing the feeling I leave here with tonight, LOVE. As I embark on my long airplane journey home I ooze LOVE. I feel it in my heart, body, smiling face, twinkling eyes and in my wild hair and my labored attempt at putting it on paper in readable prose. Love tinted with respect, permeated every action I made, every line read and every line re-read and re-recorded, every sentence and every word. Giving my time, my energy and my resistance away taught me LOVE. Tears are welling up as a finish typing this in the airport buffet restaurant. My assessment of this experience is recorded here now but the love, the beauty, the wisdom, the joy and new friendships will always remain. The old saying, “It is in giving that we receive,” could not ring more true.
Namaste,
Yogeshwari Cindy

I am far away from home today, yet I feel completely enveloped by the women I am staying with here in Bombhinas, Santa Catarina thanks to my Brazilian friend Astrid. I met her 4 years ago when I was last down here in Garopaba for one month, attending a 4 week Yoga Therapy training program. We hit it off. She was in charge of hospitality for 18 women from all over the world, joined together in a remote retreat center during the coldest May in 40 years. Needless-to-say we kept her hopping. The center was still somewhat under construction. Demands on the power and water supplies were impossible to keep up…the power went out daily. The solar powered hot water ran out almost as often since there was little sun. The clothes hanging out on the lines never dried. My roommate dried her panties with a hair dryer that kept blowing an electrical circuit. It was a very ‘bonding’ experience and would be a good reality show as I think about it – Survivor meets Desperate Yogis at Enchanted Mountain Retreat Center Brazil – as it tested our yogi spirits far from home in less than tropical circumstances. We had the image that we were coming for yoga on the beach in bikinis, getting tan and eating fruit, maybe learning to surf during our free time. Not huddled around a fire, swilling hot milk coffee, as if our lives depended upon it. Astrid was the one who spoke English and Portuguese in the reception office; therefore, she heard our complaints and kept morale up with a perseverance and kindness that was Olympic Gold Medal material.

So now here I am in Astrid’s embrace once again but this time as her personal guest at the family Beach house just North of Florianopolis, along with her sister and daughter. We drove down here Friday evening after dark. First off, thank Goddess her driving skills are extremely impressive. The road is under construction for the better in the long run; however, for now in random places it switches from 2 lanes to 4 lanes randomly every few kilometers with detour lanes veering off with no advance warning. She navigated them flawlessly and behind a large truck at least half the way. It was a total feat of accomplishment, especially in the dark!

Arriving in the dark always adds to the adventure of travel, nothing like waking up in the morning in a new place. AND – this place is exquisite! “Was I still dreaming?” I had to ask myself upon stepping onto the balcony, overlooking beaches in both directions and still in my PJ’s. No where is the landscape quite like this…rolling hills with luscious vegetation on one side and 5 kilometers of pristine beach with tasteful, lovely homes sprinkled in the other direction. What a way to awaken. We then, spent the day walking, talking and feasting as girls do on holiday the world over.

The following day I was putting away the dishes from brunch and became teary with feelings of love and tenderness. Unlike yesterday when it was sunny and very nice out, today is windy and rainy, dark and chilly. We are settled indoors and moving very slowly as is the case for Sundays everywhere. We had a lovely brunch joking about dinner the night before. I love gatherings where we speak of one meal, as we are simultaneously enjoying the one before us. These are my people.

Anyway, after the meal we organically cleared the table and began the ritual of washing dishes, drying and replacing them in the cupboard. This ‘dish ritual’ I can feel in my bones. I remember doing this at my grandmother’s after countless Sunday afternoon meals, my mother’s over the years, and of course my own home. It is familiar and simple, yet sacred and very profound for me in this moment. I belong. I am included, and soak in the tangible love feelings we are sharing as women in the kitchen. On this chilly Sunday afternoon, I am in the warm embrace of Astrid’s clan, weaving the threads of ‘Woman’ that connect us all together as kindred sisters.

P.S. Furthermore, and fortunately for me, Astrid’s daughter speaks incredible English, having lived in Park City for 2 winters, so we chat in English and practice a little Portuguese for me. She has her iPod, another universal language, with fantastic music playing. There is a connection here too. She is the same age as my eldest son…ahhh. I feel very much at home and even a pang of homesickness as she plays Jack Johnson and exclaims she is going to his concert in 2 weeks.

Thank you. Obregatta
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This morning I write from Enchanted Mountain Brazil where I am helping to edit a book on Healing Mudras and Meditations for IYT Yoga Therapy. More on that later.

The themes of Pleasure and Creativity are ever present. We have thousands of opportunities to be creative in a day; however, usually we are BUSY and do not take the time to ‘indulge’ our creativity. No one is more creative than you or me or anyone. That was my excuse for years. Some merely take the time to express creativity. They give themselves permission to create, to allow the energy of creativity to emerge without thwarting it. It is present in everyone. We all got a dose at birth.

The creative energy of which I speak is Divine Guidance. Ever present and desirous of form; the spark of creativity wants to manifest. We are the vehicles. Spiritual energy is all about creativity. It is when we listen to the voice of Divine guidance that this life force comes through. Call it meditation, being in the present moment, or whatever you like.

One of the times I feel my creativity loud and clear is when I am traveling and removed from the everyday responsibilities of my life. There is an opening, a space for more creative current to flow. Especially when I am alone with my camera. It is like this other person inhabits my brain and says, ‘here look at this….see that? Wow!” It my be a telephone booth or the light on a flower or food arranged on a plate. These are everyday scenes, but somehow they come more alive when I am traveling. I notice life more. I am more in the present moment. I feel life more vibrant. This is spiritual practice. The meditative flow of life. I make movies. I interview people. Spontaneity abounds, removing me from the shackles of limitation, hesitation and doubt. I come out of my shell, reborn and free from my self image.

It is truly remarkable the ‘pleasure’ this creates as well. When we give ourselves permission to be in awe of little things life is so satisfying and pleasurable. Slowing down is required. Letting go of doing-ness, hurry and performing is a must. It almost feels like a ‘sin’ to enjoy life this much. That is the little saying – big unconscious belief – that comes out of the nether regions of my post Catholic upbringing. Letting go of this thought process has been the result of lots of yoga over the past decade for me personally and some therapy and talking with friends too.

Suffering is not the doorway to liberation. It may be part of life and part of the process of growth, but it is through JOY and LOVE and PLEASURE that we experience the Divine every day in every moment.
Namaste,
Cindy Lawrence, Traveling Yogini Yogeshwari

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